It’s one of the questions I’m asked most often…

What if I choose wrong?

People are so freaked out about making the wrong choice.

Traveling down the wrong road.

“Wasting” time, money, energy on the wrong thing.

Newsflash. With rare exception. The only bad decision is indecision, followed by inaction.

It doesn’t matter whether you choose right. There is no wrong. No such thing as wasted time, money or energy…IF:

(1) you commit to being present and engaged in whatever you’re doing, and

(2) you approach everything with curiosity and openness, always a student.

So maybe you took the “wrong” job?! What can you LEARN from the experience of living in a place of misaligned action? What skills, resources, relationships can you cultivate doing the “wrong” thing that’ll advise and accelerate your quest to get closer to the “right” thing?

What is your “serendipitous detour” teaching you about what you do want, don’t want, excel at, suck at, love, hate, yearn for or abhor?

The only way the time, money and energy you put into something that’s not quite right is wasted is if you choose not to see and build upon what you’ve gained along the way.

In the end, the only bad decision is indecision, because it leads to inaction. And without action, there’s no data. No experience of life. No information to serve as fuel for evolution, connection, joy, progress. No growth. Just gray.

Get out of your head and into the world!

As Joseph Campbell said…

Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.

So, go ahead. Stumble. Decide. Act. You cannot be wrong, unless you act without intention, presence and openness to evolution.

The only wrong choice is deciding not to choose.

When you do that, you automatically lose.

What say you?

With gratitude,

Jonathan

P.S. – Before someone brings it up in the comments. Yes, there are rare exceptions to this. The decision to commit violent crime may be one. Very likely a bad call. Especially in it’s impact on the victims. But even then, there can be immense growth and opportunity that comes out of this.

Witness the journey of Christian Howes, a child classical-violin prodigy who’s 4 years in prison introduced him to a world of humanity and music he’d never known, and led him to shift gears and eventually become the world’s greatest jazz violinist after being released.

Today’s guest contributor is Emilie Wapnick. Emilie works with multipotentialites to help them build lives and businesses around ALL of their interests. She is the troublemaker behind Puttylike.com,

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“I moved to Portland to find community, a home… To settle down,” I spoke softly.

She looked at me with big eyes.

“Now I have to choose between Portland, and the thing that Portland represented, which is what I actually wanted.”

Like many 20-somethings of my generation, I have consciously designed most facets of my life. I chose self-employment to provide me with freedom and a sense of contribution, I chose a broad theme for my business over a niche in order to express my multipotentiality, I gave real thought to the friends in my life, to how I wanted my day to look, to how I wanted to feel, and to where I wanted to live.

How lucky we are to live in a time and place where this is possible, and to be privileged enough to enjoy this freedom.

I’ve been very deliberate about designing my life ever since realizing that I could. But what happens when the universe that you trust, that has been so good to you, decides to impose some of its own conditions? Do you stick with your original plan or do you shift, maybe giving up some of that autonomy you hold so dear? (In this case, moving to a new city with the person you love.)

There is one thing that makes decisions like these easier; it’s knowing what it is that you are truly seeking, behind the specific city or the specific career or goal. What do these things that you are striving for represent?

Do you really want to be a film director, or is it that you love working with big teams and seeing a creative vision come to life? If so, you could probably get the same feelings from being the leader of a nonprofit organization or the conductor of an orchestra. I’m not saying that you should pursue these avenues instead, but it’s worth knowing.

Is programming really what you love to do? Or is it the problem solving, the attention to detail, the service, the feeling of solitary work, of a deep flow state that you get when you are coding? Maybe these feelings could also be achieved in other ways too.

I see it everywhere. We confuse the specific form that our goals take for the goals themselves. We become wrapped up in one medium, and think that because we use paint to express our ideas we are a painter or that because we use legal doctrines to help people navigate the system, we are a lawyer. We become tied to, and thus defined by one role. We don’t see that it is empowering others that we seek, or inspiring a particular feeling or connecting with another human being. We don’t see the Why behind what we do.

There is danger in becoming attached to the specific and not knowing what your goals represent or why you love what you love. The danger is that your industry might die or you might become bored with a particular medium/job, and then lose your whole sense of identity.

When you dream about the sort of life you want to create, do just that: dream about the SORT of life, and know that the specifics are just potential forms that this dream may take. For example, instead of saying “I want to spend my mornings writing,” say “I want to spend my mornings doing something creative that allows me to connect with my core,” (if that’s what writing does for you). This might mean writing, but it could also take the form of gardening or yoga or countless other activities. Defining things more broadly allows you to grow and stay open to new opportunities.

When you find yourself being drawn to a particular field or project, ask yourself why. What about this area is exciting to you? How is it like past endeavors you’ve been involved with? What sort of feelings and experiences do you get from engaging with it?

Understanding the currents that run through your passions is the secret to making the right decisions when life changes suddenly. If you know what you are looking for behind the specific medium or job or location, you’ll have a basis for assessing opportunities and knowing if they are right for you.

How has understanding what draws you to your interests helped you make better decisions?

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Emilie Wapnick works with multipotentialites to help them build lives and businesses around ALL of their interests. She is the troublemaker behind Puttylike.com. Her work has been featured in The Financial Times and Lifehacker.

Last summer, I launched Good Life Project TV, – a broadcast-quality web-series that explores the journeys of world-class artists, entrepreneurs, makers and world-shakers.

I had no idea if anyone would watch. Or care.

But it was the thing I couldn’t not do…

Got my answer nearly immediately. Good Life Project TV™ took off. It’s now been watched in more than 135 countries.

I’ve written 800+ blog posts, articles in national magazines and two books. But, none of them has generated the response created by Good Life Project. Humbled. Grateful. Awed.

But, there was a bit of an ish…

The show is about 45-minutes long. That format let’s me go really deep with guests and avoid all the sound-bitey B.S.

But not everyone has 45 minutes to watch the show on a screen. So, shortly after launching, we began posting mp3 audio versions to a subscriber-only vault area. Better, now people could take the show on the road and listen.

Still, downloading it, then transferring it onto your phone or other listening device was a bit, well, cumbersome.

Which is why I’m sooooo excited to share with you today that…

We’ve just launched today with the first 20 episodes already posted. I’ll be accelerating delivery of the rest until we’re all caught up over the next few weeks. Then we’ll stick to a weekly schedule that mirrors the live web-series.

So, I need your help…

GLP is an “impact play” for me. It’s all about inspiring, educating and informing the greatest number of people, so they can build better lives, brands, businesses, bodies of work and help others do the same. Because…

The world needs more people who are lit up with purpose, joy and action.

Here are three ways you can enjoy the great Good Life Project conversations on-the-go, share them with friends and help me grow the movement and touch more lives -

1. Sign up for the iTunes podcast today – Immerse yourself in our life-changing library of conversations, then never miss an episode. Click here now to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes.
2. Leave a review – Share an honest sentence or two about the show on the iTunes page and give it a star rating (this make a really big difference).
3. Share the love - Share this post with your gang on Facebook, twitter or wherever feels right to you using the social media buttons on this page.

Oh, and one more thing. If you’re subscribed to GLP by email, DO NOT UNSUBSCRIBE now.

We’re about begin making full-transcripts of the shows available to email subscribers in the next few weeks, along with some very cool new “insider-only” goodies, just for you.

With gratitude,

Jonathan

P.S. – YOU GUYS ROCK!

Lissa Rankin’s new book, Mind Over Medicine, is creating quite a stir.

Rankin is an M.D. who walked away from her practice of mainstream medicine after a highly-successful career. She was frustrated, angry and looking for answers that traditional guidelines didn’t seem to support.

She discovered that in her practice, patients in one of the healthiest towns in the country still weren’t healing. For certain conditions mainstream medicine worked well. And, in fact, Rankin doesn’t cry for the end of it. But, for others, there was something deeper that was going on. And no matter how often mainstream medicine soothed the symptoms, the real challenge, the deeper pains, kept resurfacing new and old symptoms over and over.

What Rankin argues is that mainstream medicine does not represent the universe of potentially valuable treatment protocols or modalities. That state of mind, emotion, human circumstance, human interaction and belief not only play a role, but have the ability to effectively turn on or off the body’s innate ability to heal itself. To keep disease and pain ever-present, or serve as a foundation for sustained recovery.

Rankin knew this argument would potentially position her as a major target, a quack preaching pseudo-science. Even though her pedigree in medicine is reasonably bullet-proof. And, interestingly, while she’s looking to convince patients, the real demographic she seeks to make her case to is…doctors.

So instead of rely on purely anecdotal evidence (which she wields mightily), she also relies on science, culling years of research on “phenomena” that’s been written off and experimental “outliers” and showing how they in fact are signposts of something much bigger.

Yesterday, we aired an in-depth interview with Rankin on Good Life Project.

The episode is actually the longest one we’ve ever shot at over an hour, because we couldn’t find anything to cut. This will be an hour of your life well spent. As expected, it’s been getting a strong reaction on both sides of the aisle.

(FYI – If you’d rather just download and listen to the mp3, subscribe at GoodLifeProject.com and get instant access)

I thought it would interesting to speak to some of the comments and arguments here…

Someone from my community on Facebook shared his concern that people like Rankin and books like hers may stop people who are suffering from pursuing mainstream treatment had could be effective at relieving or curing a condition. He referenced the now famed example of Steve Jobs, who, we learned after his death, had put off mainstream treatment in favor or alternative therapies so long that by the time he went back to mainstream it was too late.

I struggle with this same argument. It’s valid. Especially when you’re gambling with someone’s life. Caution is critical when walking away from a traditional therapy in the name of an alternative. I’d never suppose to be in a position to tell someone which course is best for them.

And, interestingly, neither would Rankin. That’s actually not her message. She readily owns up to the value that many traditional therapies offer.

Her argument is simply that:

• There may be alternatives that work equally well or better, but more importantly…
• Regardless of the “treatment” protocol, the state of mind, life-circumstance and belief system of the patient and the social dynamic that exists both between the patient and the healthcare provider and the patient and her family and friends all play a huge role in the efficacy of ANY therapy, traditional or alternative.

Put another way, if your doctor, healer, surgeon, shaman or other person in whom you’ve placed your trust tells you your condition is hopeless, your outcome is far more likely to be bad. And the opposite holds true as well.

Similarly, if you treat the symptom without treating the underlying cause, the symptom will come back. That’s not controversial. Rankin is saying we need to dramatically expand the definition of what comes under the rubric of potential “underlying causes.”

But, where’s the research? And why do you have to buy a product to get at it? Doesn’t that automatically speak to the fact that this is all about the money? It’s just a sham?

This was a second question asked of me.

Interesting point of view, too. Great question. I’m what I’d call an optimistic skeptic, lol. I’m open to anything, but I want to be convinced.

Short answer – you don’t have to pay for the product or book to find the citations. I can’t speak to any other book or product, but Rankin’s book is actually fairly heavily end-noted with references to research published in respected journals. To access the citations, if you’d rather not buy the book, just borrow it from your local library. That’s the beauty of books.

“Well, sure,” comes the reply, “but that’s just citations, what about the actual research?”

Interesting thing about research in the modern world. It’s all submitted to and published in journals that generally share abstracts, but keep the full investigative reports behind paywalls.

Anyone can access them, but you’ve got to pay. That goes for the curious public, and it also goes for doctors themselves, though usually it’s their affiliated institutions who pay blanket subscription fees that provide access.

The way I see it, people like Rankin add value to this equation by paying those access fees, curating and digesting the research into a synthesis they feel makes sense and will help inform others. Instead of going through thousands of abstracts, I can then read the endnotes and, should I still want to go further, purchase the full reports from the journals (which I do, when a subject interests me and I don’t want to reply solely on someone else’s reading of the tea leaves).

Final thought…

While Rankin goes deep into things like belief and the placebo effect and the studies and databases that are being developed around these supposed outlier phenomena, there’s a bigger message that I think we can and should all get behind.

The standard of care provided by the healing professional has a huge impact on patient health. What they say and do, how they treat patients, how much time, presence, genuine nurturing and listening they offer, these things matter. They have a very real, measurable effect on clinical outcomes.

My sense is that healthcare providers know this. They WANT to provide exceptional levels of contact and care. But they’re also getting increasingly squeezed by a system that doesn’t allow it to happen. And, in the end, not only are patients suffering…doctors are suffering, too.

Especially if you’re someone who feels “called” to medicine. Called to heal. And the way you’re being pushed to practice no longer allows you to honor that call on the level that leaves you satisfied.

So, do I believe you should wholeheartedly buy into everything Rankin says in Mind Over Medicine?

Not a chance. I certainly wouldn’t. And, frankly, if she was reading her own book as an outsider, neither would Rankin.

But, you should read it, and really any other book, article or piece of content on this topic, with an openness to questioning the assumptions that have gotten us to where we are in medicine today. Asking if it’s where we want to be? And, if this is the course we want to continue to plot?

There is, no doubt, incredible good that’s come out of the allopathic tradition. But, what have we missed along the way? And how might we evolve if we were willing to engage in conversations that, not too long ago, would’ve been considered the rambling of a mad-person?

Inevitably, those who lead to the introduction of new paradigms are labeled pariahs and mavericks in the early days. Or, as Gandhi said…

“First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, and then you win.”

Curious what do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

As always, with gratitude for your thoughtful presence,

Jonathan

[Disclosure - Rankin is a friend. When traveling to the Bay area, she regularly plies me with raw organic chocolate. At one point, in a cocoa, organic agave and coconut-oil induced stupor, I think she even convinced me to blurb the book, but frankly it's all one big coca-bean blur. Friend or foe, I write what I believe is the truth, from my heart. Take it or leave it, just thought you should know]

Today’s guest contributor is Jennifer Boykin, the Creative Visionary and Chief Rabble Rouser behind the midlife reinvention movement Life After Tampons. She also speaks, teaches, and writes about adversity, triumph, and Women Who Rise and is the author of Breakthrough:  How to Get on With It When You Can’t Get Over It (download it free, btw).

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I make trouble for a living, and while I love my job very much, I don’t think I was supposed to be so impossibly good at it.  In fact, I was raised to be the “good one.”  My brother had the opposite role nailed down.

But then, life had its way with me.  A bunch of “unfair” stuff happened, including the death of my first child, and all my goody, goody-ness evaporated in a flash.  All of a sudden, I was introduced to my beautiful ROAR.

I have a very scary ROAR, as it turns out, and, at first, I didn’t know how to use my roar rightly.  I had been the “good one” for too long.  I had no ability at all to finesse my new skill.

Here are two horrible examples:

Once, shortly after my daughter died, I was pushing my grocery cart up to the checkout line, and this other lady cut in front of me.  I just glared at her and told her she’d better “watch out” because “I was the mother of a dead baby and I wasn’t in very good humor.”

Another time, I’m really ashamed to admit, I was truly unkind.  I was waiting patiently like a “good girl” for another driver to leave her parking space so I could take it.  Just as the other driver left, someone else swooped in from the opposite direction, looked me straight in the eye, and grabbed the space before me!  Oh, I was FURIOUS that time.  I sped to the back of the lot, parked my car, and SPRINTED to catch up with the offending woman.

Here’s the part I’m none too proud of:  she was a larger woman, and I looked at her and said, “You know, it would have been better exercise if you had parked back there.”

Dear Woman in the Parking Lot, wherever you are, I’m so very sorry.

Anyway, this other woman was much more kinder than I.  She looked at me lovingly and said, “You know, you don’t have to get so angry.”

But, you see, I did.  After a lifetime of choking back the “bad emotions,” I was suddenly unable to do it anymore.  My daughter’s death had killed all of my “edit neurons,” those built-in social inhibitors that keep you from making an ass of yourself.

Eventually, I stumbled my way into a skillset that allowed me to use my beautiful anger in a way that served me and others, but, it took lots of trial and error, along with copious amends.

Years later, I happily make trouble for a living.  I work with women who want to change their lives and, almost always, we begin with shaking things up.

There’s something very daunting about a woman whose “not going to take it anymore,” but the truth is, the reason we suffer is because we allow it.

Oh, I know I’ve probably ticked quite a few people off with that statement, but hear me out.  I’m not saying you CAUSED every bad thing that ever happened to you.  But what I am suggesting is the pain that lingers in your life is there by your own invitation.

In other words, while you’re not responsible for everything that happens in your life, you ARE responsible for everything you allow to STAY.

And, believe me love, you WANT to be responsible for this part.

Here’s why: to the exact extent that you allow yourself to get mired in sorrow, anger, self-pity, and the like – to just that extent, you squander your ability to create anything new or magical or healing or transformative.

Hope abounds in the place hollowed out by the painful spots in your life.  You may not see it just now.  But trust me, it’s there.

Your beautiful anger is the booster pack that will rocket you out of self-pity.

Don’t worry if it all sounds too much like posies and unicorns.  You can love and laugh your beautiful cynical mind into compliance.

Begin with the insurrection.  Begin with the fury.  But don’t ACT on it.  You don’t need to swallow your anger, but you ought not spew it either.

Instead, allow it to fuel your uprising.  In this case, the “system” you want to overthrow is the one you created haphazardly to deflect the pain of things that didn’t go your way.

Let go of all that.  Put your attention on what is right in your life.  Allow that to be the foundation upon which you build this next amazing part of your journey.  And look for ways to transform your story of pain and loss and disappointment in a way that serves others.

Each of us has the potential to be a powerful catalyst for good and change in our own lives as well as the lives of countless others.  Think I’m wrong about that?  Well, this piece began with two 30-second exchanges with complete strangers – both of who taught me something very powerful about myself.

Imagine what you can do with and for the people who “really matter.”

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Jennifer Boykin, the Creative Visionary and Chief Rabble Rouser behind the midlife reinvention movement Life After Tampons, happily makes trouble for a living.  She also speaks, teaches, and writes about adversity, triumph, and Women Who Rise.  Please visit her site to download your copy of Breakthrough:  How to Get on With It When You Can’t Get Over It.  It’s free.  Because you’re priceless.

Confession. I’m an empath.

I feel other peoples’ emotions as if they’re my own.

Often, their pain. On an unusually strong level.

Whether I know them or not.

I shake when I see other people experience awe. I cry during Hallmark specials. Nearly every episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition left me a blathering mess. Stuff just seems to get to me more easily than others.

I’ve known this since I was a kid, just didn’t know there was a name for it until recently.

There’s good about it. And bad.

It’s been a huge asset as an entrepreneur, marketer, leader and artist. I can get into peoples’ heads, understand what they need, want, desire, aspire to. What makes them vibrate with emotion, good and bad. It lets me work on more of an emotional level, see past facades and words, then speak to, create and solve for what really matters.

It’s also been hugely beneficial in allowing me to connect when I teach, present and, as I’ve more recently discovered, interview people. In a past life, taking depositions in a dimly-lit cinderblock government room, I felt my way through the conversations on a more intuitive level, processing beyond words.

And, as a human being on a quest to be more human and better understand what this lap on the planet is all about, it lets me know, on a visceral level, what people are experiencing as if I am them. It allows me to see people more easily from a place of grace. To drop the judgment. Not always. And not everyone. I’m still very much a work in progress. But more often than not.

But it also comes with a dark side…

When someone else is in pain, it can be hard to dissociate from it. Whether you know them or not. It can also stop you from being able to help someone else. You’re of no use beyond being a warm body to commiserate, when their pain paralyzes you as much as them.

I was reminded of this, on a personal level, a few weeks ago, when my father-in-law passed away. I felt immediately for my wife’s loss. For her mother, too.

That evening, I sat down down, and told my little girl grandpa was dead.

I was fine until I saw her eyes begin to well. Seeing her heart break, my own shattered. We both lost it. Her, for her loss. Me, for her loss. There was nothing I could do or say, but cry with her. For her.

A few days later at the funeral, I was fine until a childhood friend of my father-in-law got up, and told stories about them in the neighborhood as kids. He struggled to choke back tears, I could barely breath. Had I been called on to console him or anyone else in that moment, I would’ve been fairly useless.

As an entrepreneur, this dark side reveals itself in the lure of the emotional rabbit hole. I need to be able to tap into others’ emotions to understand how best to serve them. But I also need to be able to convert emotions into businesses, brands, solutions and experiences that matter. To engage with enough dispassion to allow insight and action.

So, what to do?

Completely disconnect with people? Walk around with your shields on high all day? Divert with humor and sarcasm (all part of my arsenal, btw, with varying levels of efficacy).

It’s hard enough to process your own emotion, let alone manage the vein that channels others’ emotions into you.

That said, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Because…

To feel is to live.

It’s the raw fuel that births moments, interactions, experiences and the creation of art and meaning.

The challenge, always is to understand when to let it in, when to raise the shields entirely. And when to let in just enough to fuel connection, wisdom, compassionate action…and extraordinary art.

I’ve danced with this process for as long as I can remember. It fueled intense painting and composing jags as a kid. Converting my own and others’ raw transfered emotion into creative output.

I’m convinced that many of the world’s greatest artists, writers, composers were empaths. Bundling sensed extrinsic emotion with their own and channeling it onto the page, canvas, medium or instrument. Partly, in the quest to create art, but also in the name of survival. A way to open a conduit that allows all that channeled emotion to pour through, rather than consume them.

A few years ago, fueled by an entirely different reason. I found something else that’s helped me process life as an empath.

Mindfulness.

It doesn’t make everything better. What it does is allow me to understand when I’m being drawn in and then make a more deliberate decision about whether I’m going to open to empathy or compassion. And how much. The latter, allowing me to understand, to see and feel, but with enough detachment to still be able to act.

So, what about you?

How do you feel into others’ emotions?

How might you tap this orientation to live into life a bit more?

As an entrepreneur, how can you leverage it to serve more people on a higher level?

Share your thoughts below…

P.S. – Empaths aren’t always about human emotion. Many are fairly dispassionate toward other people, but their empathic connection runs strongly toward animals or the natural world.